I was confined in the hospital for one day, the moment I was released I immediately borrowed mom’s car and went back in hurry to our burnt house.
I’m only in the hospital for a day but I’m almost going crazy thinking about what happened to Allen.
When I stopped the car in front of the house, I saw how there’s nearly nothing left but the concrete parts of the house. I went out of the car and went to my room, my room that has no door, I saw how there’s nothing left except for the bed there.
The pillows, the foam mattress, and the blanket were gone. Only the very bed was left. I slowly went closer, mom said it wasn’t removed because the police were still investigating the mystery behind it.
What kind of strange thing happened?
The firemen entered the house when the fire was out, they thought that they would retrieve my burnt corpse but they were surprised when everything was burnt except for the bed, they looked below and saw that the floor didn’t also burn and discovered me there unconscious.
They said what happened was a miracle but for me, it was Allen that happened.
I looked under it, the floor really didn’t burn.
“Allen,” I said.
But no one answered. I looked more, looking under it is hard because the space is narrow so you could only see a little. I lay down the floor and slide myself inside.
“So narrow,” I said.
I was looking at the side and pushing myself in and when I looked at the other side—
He’s above and surprised to see me, I am too. We are so close to each other that almost our nose touching.
We stared at each other, I don’t know what to say and what to do. How do I start?
HI! It’s good that you’re still alive.
Hi! I just went here for you to know that I’m still alive.
Hi! I very worried about you even though you don’t love me.
Hi! It’s so stupid of me to come here.
or Hi! I still love you even if you don’t love me.
Should I say those things?
I heard a vehicle stopping before the house, maybe they are the people who would look to the bed again. That’s why I floated myself and stick myself to the bed, so if someone will look they will not see me.
I heard footsteps but only came from one person. I saw a shadow so I hide more.
But damn, she’s coming inside.
Her face was looking to the side so I haven’t seen her face yet, there she is… she’s surprising me again, what is she doing here?
When she faced me I didn’t guess that we’re this close, I almost squint because of our nearness, our noses are touching and I can feel her breath. The thing left is for her heartbeat and mine for us to hear.
My heart is beating fast, I can’t speak and I just stared at her.
Why is she here?
Did she understand what I said?
Is she this hard to talk?
Is she this hard-headed?
I remember what happened the other day, the day that the house was on fire.
I heard an explosion, I called Kristoff. It’s okay to make my voice louder because I know that It’s only the two of us here, but he didn’t respond. I peeked in the window, Kristoff is shouting and seems unsettled, he wanted to enter but a man is stopping him.
“Fire! My gosh, there’s a fire!” I heard the old woman shout who’s living in front of the house, they called her Mrs. Santos.
So the house is burning?
I suddenly froze, what am I going do now if I really can’t do anything.
I smiled while peeking in the window and watching Kristoff.
He is safe so I don’t need to worry.
A moment later Christine came, I’m satisfied, I sat on the bed and waiting for the house to fully burn.
It’s just enough. I’ve been living for I don’t know how many years so it’s fine with me.
Maybe this should be the end, see? My Infinity Life has an end. I smiled.
Now I’m confronting death.
“Now kill me,” I whispered and smirked.
Her face suddenly flashes into my mind. Why am I feeling sad right now? Why Am I feeling that I don’t wanna die right now?
Is it just because of her?
I didn’t notice my tears falling, I’m emotionless right now but I’m crying, this is crazy!
I was startled when the door suddenly opened, I saw her in my peripheral view.
But it was immediately changed into fear because she shouldn’t be here.
This lady is really naughty, hard-headed, and do what she wants. I’ve been telling her to leave but she really won’t.
Doesn’t she know that she will die and I don’t want that to happen?
I’m really scared right now because she’s here with me.
It’s okay for me to die.
I’m ready to die.
“How can I leave you here if I can’t do it.”
“How can I say to myself that I shouldn’t be a fool and leave you here if I can’t.”
“How can I Allen, I really can’t!”
“I love you!”
When I heard all of that, I’m scared to die, I don’t want to die… because of her.
“PLEASE LEAVE JESSY! DON’T BE STUPID! YOU WANT TO DIE BECAUSE OF ME? aRE YOU CRAZY? YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF LIFE I HAVE AND WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT… LOVING ME? FORGET ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DON’T LOVE YOU! I DON’T WANT TO LIVE FOREVER! LEAVE ME HERE BECAUSE I WANT TO DIE!”
The greatest lie I ever told in my whole life.
She didn’t speak, she was shocked. A moment later she fainted.
“Jessy!” I shouted and caught her instantly.
I’m really scared right now.
What can I do now I can’t get her out. When I look at the door it was already on fire, she can’t get out.
“Jessy! Jessy!” I woke her up.
The heat in my skin is scorching hot from the fire, I can’t think anything but to just enter inside the bed.
I tried waking her up, when I looked around, we are surrounded by fire.
I also can’t breathe, I felt any moment I will lose my consciousness. My tears poured from my eyes.
This is my fault, we are both going to get burn and die now.
I embraced her tightly, I felt my back burning.
When I opened my eyes there’s isn’t a single fire, everything around is burnt.
I looked at Jessy immediately, I listened if she’s still breathing. My agitation disappears when I confirmed that she’s alive.
I looked at the bed.
“It didn’t burn?” a moment later I heard people coming so I push slightly Jessy’s half body outside so they could see her immediately.
That’s what happened.
Allen and I just stared at each other when someone suddenly shouted. It’s mom, for sure she followed here so I get out.
“Jessy!” she shouted again.
“Mom!” I answered.
She entered the room and saw me, that’s already standing.
“You suddenly left and went here.” she said.
“I was just looking,” I responded.
“My parents’ house, we are going to live there.” Mom answered.
“Wait how about this?” I said pointing the bed.
“Leave it there.”
“No!” I opposed.
“Okay, we’ll have someone deliver it to the house, but young lady you need to follow me for now and stop being unruly.” Mom said.
I didn’t speak and just followed, we ride the car that I used coming here because mom just commuted to follow me. We arrive at our new house, this is the house of grandpa Chris and grandma Jessica.
In the afternoon Allen arrive— I mean the bed and mom ordered to put it the in the basement of the house. I don’t have a choice because I know mom is facing a problem now.
Nothing left to us, that’s why mom is looking for someone to loan money, and it’s a good thing that we already have a place to stay. Almost all of the things we have now are my grandparents’ things.
When I entered my room, mom also entered.
“Jessy your new clothes are in the cabinet.” Mom said then went out.
When I opened the cabinet, I saw that the clothes placed there are just a few.
“Jessy?” Kristoff’s knock on the door.
“Come in Monggi.”
He entered at sit beside me on the bed.
“I’m sorry Jessy!” he said.
“Crazy little brother, it’s fine. What I just thought was a waste are my favorite clothes that burnt.” I said at the same time tap him.
“It seems stupid. I’m serious,” he said.
“I’m also serious and I said that it’s fine, I don’t care about the things that burned. What I don’t like is when you made me feel scared and nervous because I thought you got charred!”
“What are we going to do that Allen is in the basement?” he asked.
“We have no choice because it’s what mom wants,” I replied.
So the fact that I never complained is because I think it’s better that way, I can’t talk to him or face him again now after what happened, I just know that he’s here and that’s okay to me. It’s still painful for me—
What he said is still hurting me.
The doorbell suddenly rings.
“Where is Mom, Monggi?”
“She left because she said she has something to do,” Kristoff said.
“But someone is ringing the doorbell! Look.” I said.
“You open it.” He said then lay down on my bed.
“Tsk.” I just said then I stand up and went downstairs.
I opened the gate and it’s—
He suddenly hugged me.
“It’s a good thing that you are all fine.” he said while hugging me, I don’t know how to react.
I’m dumbfounded and shocked at what’s happening.
“Jessy.” I heard Kristoff who followed me.
“Kristoff?” My dad said and he also hugs Kristoff.
“Jessy,” Kristoff said while having an expression of who-is-he? look to me.
Monggi can’t remember what dad looks like, I was eight when mom and dad totally separated. Kristoff was only five that time. So maybe that’s why Monggi can’t recognize that it’s dad that is in front of him.
♬♪I will not make the same mistakes that you did. I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery♪♬
Everything that happened returned to me, I’m staring at dad right now while still hugging Kristoff. That pain return.
I’m still mad at him.
♬♪I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard. I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far♪♬
I want to shout at him, I want to show on his face that we don’t need him, I want to slap him, I want to tell him everything that happened when he left us, I want to cry and blame him.
♬♪Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk♪♬
But none of those words came out of my mouth, all the years that I said that I will prepare for his coming and blame him for everything. Why now that he is in front of me I can’t do it?
♬♪Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt♪♬
“Whose car it is outside?” I turned to mom, her eyes suddenly lands on dad and surprised.
“Mom, who is he?” Kristoff asked somewhat confused.
“What are you doing here?” mom asked.
“I heard Christine that—”
“Get out!” Mom shouted and didn’t let him finish.
“But they are still my children,” Dad said.
“Get out!” my mom shouted even louder.
Dad has no choice but to leave, I looked at mom. She’s hurting. she didn’t cry but I can’t see her dying in pain. She entered the house the Kristoff and I followed.
“Jessy he’s dad?” Kristoff asked me.
Yes, he is a useless person!
♬♪Because of you I find hard to trust not only me but everyone around me♪♬
That’s what I wanted to say but I just nodded and headed straight to my room. I lay down immediately on the bed.
♬♪Because of you .. I am afraid♪♬
“Allen,” my tears poured when I realize that he is not here.
He is the only person I shared about this kind of things but I feel that I’m alone right now.