Confused

[Allen’s POV]

We are both sitting in the bed while playing chess. Its so awkward I don’t know how to say sorry to what happen earlier.

“Checkmate!” I woke up from my trance and looked at her when she said that.

“I don’t want to continue. I want to sleep.” She said again while clearing her bed.

I want to talk to her, but I keep thinking that I already had a lot of mistakes to her. I know I am much older than her so I ought to know about those things.. what about it? I cant remember my past life. What kind of person I am? And the big question is Am I still alive? Maybe I’m already dead and become a ghost?

I looked at her, she is already fixing her blanket and she lie while her back is facing at me. I floated to where her front is. I don’t know, there seems to be a force that is pushing me to suddenly kiss her forehead.

“Good night Jessica.” I whispered.

[Jessica’s POV]

I suddenly opened my eyes when he did that, he disappear from my sight.. He kissed me on my forehead. “Good night too Allen” even if I know he cant hear me.

I should be sleeping already but after what he did? It looks like I cant. It frustrates me, I am closing my eyes but my mind is still awake. Everything flashes on my mind, the scenes that happen a while ago keeps rewinding in my head.

I keep on turning in the bed, and stopped. I remember that he is under my bed and he will feel my movements above. I look like a statue o a stroke person! I cant move, lub..dub..lub..dub (heart beats fast). Here it is again.

When I woke up.. okay, honestly I think I did not woke up because I did not sleep. When I turned he is already there on my back.

Heart beat fast!

colors and promises..

how to be braved?

How can I love you when I’m afraid to fall?

Watchi’n you stand alone..

all of my thoughts certainly goes away somehow..

One step closer

I am just staring at him, I felt the fast beating of my hearts. And I did not care about it. I just keep staring at him while he is also staring at me.

There is something in his eyes? That there is something he is saying but I cant understand it.

“What happen to your eyes?” He asked me.

“Ah this? Nothing.” No, you are the reason why I have this eye bags.

“Did you not sleep properly?”

Yes, I did not sleep because of you. You keep on disturbing my mind. “Ah, I did sleep properly.” I answered while forcing to smile.

That night when I am going to sleep. He approach me and sat on my bed.

“Do you want me to accompany you so that you can sleep properly?”

There you go again! Making me always confused, I already wondering. Allen I’m already big, I’m not like the kid before who is not use in sleeping alone. Is that what you think of me? That I am still the same kid?

I don’t know why I cant answer, I saw in his facial expression that he don’t know what to do. But in the end he lie beside me.

I don’t know that possess me, I suddenly lay on his harm and hug his chest that I know surprised him. He hugs me, he didn’t change. Still the same, nothing has change. I’m the who changed.

I sleep comfortably, I woke up that our position didn’t change. I woke up before him, this is the first time I saw him sleeping. Usually he woke up before me or we both woke up at the same time.

So flirt of you Jessica! You and a guy sleeping on the same bed? If its before he is your big brother when we sleep beside each other. But now? It looks like we are in a relationship or we are married. If someone will see us now they will think something happen between us.

I laugh to what I am thinking. He woke up because of my movement and he sat.

“Ah eh good morning?” I said in stutter. Crazy Jessica! You said it like a question!

“Good morning” he answered smiling.

“Jessica its time for breakfast!” Shouted my mom from downstairs.

“Your mom is calling you. You should go and eat.” Allen said.

“Okay mom”. “I will bring your foods later okay?” I dash to the dining.

[Allen’s POV]

Jessica went down to eat her breakfast. I’m happy how Jessica is right now, it looks like she is not that little girl anymore.

She immediately returned bringing a food with her that she hid from her parents. I also returned below to eat because she is going to take a bath.

What if I’ll peep? Such a bastard Allen, you being a pervert is showing. Stop. Then he continued eating.

Its already 6:00 pm, after a few while she will return. I am looking outside the window from her room.

Minutes past she still isn’t here until a car stop. A guy walk out from it and opened the passengers sit. I saw Jessica and the guy helped her.

They are smiling at each other while talking after that the guy went back to his car and leave. I saw Jessica entered the house that’s why I waited her at the door. When she saw me she was shock.

“Who is he?” I asked her while she was lowering her things.

“My classmate.”

“Why did he come here?”

“He send me home.”

“Why?”

“Hm..no reason, he just send me.”

“Do you not know how to return home?”

She turned to me and suddenly laugh “Haha! Are you serious? Or are you just kidding with me? He just want to send me back.”

“I am serious!” I said while looking at her and seems like she was surprised for what I had said.

“Why are you like this? You’re weird” she answered and went to the bathroom.

I was waiting for her outside the door. Why did I tell her that? what does she think of me right now? Why was I frustrates seeing her with the other man?

A moment later, the door opened. She look at me straight and waiting for something. However, my mouth is sealed. She went straight to the bed and started sleeping.

I want to talk to her, to say sorry? or ask her why a guy send her home? Do I really want her to explain to me?

I was standing beside the bed staring and savoring her beauty. I can’t talk to her so I decided to to go under her bed. But, I can’t sleep. It feels like eternity! Why would I ask if someone send her home? First, she is very pretty. She is the kind of woman the people would loved to had. Second, what am I to her? Lastly, she is already a young adult now. There is no wonder that male species wanted to court her.

I was hit by a block! Why am I suddenly surprised? Why am I talking… as if I had experience being in relationship before. Fun.


translated by: seiji


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